STILL NO DOMPERIDONE!!!!!!! ARGH!
She's still nursing well, but supplementing more and more. IT NEEDS TO GET HERE!

Moving Day!

We're moving from our crappy, cramped apartment and into a bigger and much nicer house today! Wish us all luck!

Day 1 No Domperidone.

Well, she's still nursing willingly, but I'm having to supplement more frequently already. I still have milk, but not as much. Hopefully, she'll keep nursing frequently, and when I get my domperidone, it'll rebuild my supply quickly.

My domperidone never came. I hope this doesn't spell disaster and the end of our breastfeeding relationship.
Pray to the milk goddess for me.

I'm scared I'm going to run out of domperidone. Terrified.

But, in other news, Lola has started "sleeping through the night" as in, she sleeps a good 5 to 6 hours now, and I *gasp* actually wake up very full! The other night, I was absolutely ENGORGED, rock solid, to the point of pain! It was great! I wish it was like that all the time. (Weird wish.)

As for the re-quitting smoking, it's been easier than I thought it would be. As long as there are no cigarettes around, I'm fine. But I haven't been around anyone who smokes in a few days. My biggest problem is boredom. It gets mind-numbingly boring around here, sometimes, and cigarettes were a way to break up the monotony. I still think about having a cigarette when I'm totally bored, but I don't have any, so I can't have one. And that's good.

We're gearing up for our big move (across town) this weekend. Monday will be our last night in our tiny, crappy apartment! Hallelujah!

Cutting it close.

I am down to my last sheet of bubble-packed domperidone. I ordered some about 2 weeks ago. I HOPE it comes tomorrow, please, please, please.

Love this!
The Top Ten Things Breastfeeding Activists Should Stop Saying.
Thank you for acknowledging that sometimes, doing everything one can does not equal a full-milk supply.

I think I need to get tested for postpartum thyroid problems. I am beyond exhausted. And thyroid problems can cause milk supply problems for mom's who have had NORMAL milk supplies, I don't even want to think about what it could do to mine.
Now I just need to find a primary care physician to test my blood.

I feel so much better already!
I scrubbed myself in the shower, and I feel so fresh and clean.
Thank you, Lola, for being my inspiration to not smoke.
I do not want to trade my baby for cigarettes. And with the risk of SIDS increased with maternal smoking, I know it's not worth it. NOT WORTH IT!
The next few days may suck a little, but Lola is WORTH IT!

 

Goodbye, cigarettes. I am officially re-commiting myself to being a NON-SMOKER!

Now, I'm going to go brush my teeth, take a shower and scrub all that nastiness off of me.

Time to come clean.

I've been struggling lately with something...
Smoking. I was a smoker before I got pregnant, and I really didn't want to start again. But lately, I've been struggling. I feel terribly guilty. I've been so tired, and I bummed a cigarette from someone the other day, and I felt a surge of energy. I've been smoking a few cigarettes every day.
I know this is not helpful to my endeavors, at all. I know it's terrible for me, and my baby. I need to stop.
But, I'm trying to write an honest blog, so I had to put it out there and hold myself accountable.

Here's all the reasons I need to STOP smoking:

• It's EXPENSIVE! 
• It's UNHEALTHY!
• It's NOT GOING TO HELP MY MILK SUPPLY SITUATION!
• It's a WASTE OF TIME!
• IT STINKS!

So, there it is. I need to stop. I feel better putting that out there, but still feel terrible about it.

More resources.

I've been adding more links to my resources post. If you haven't read it already, check it out! There's a new link with pictures of hypoplastic breasts to help other struggling mothers identify the physical characteristics of hypoplasia.

Today, I want to give up.

As someone who has battled postpartum depression before, I fear that I can feel it creeping in again.
I don't know if I'm just tired, or what, but today, I feel like giving up the fight. What's the point? It's twice as hard as just bottle-feeding, it takes even longer to get out of the house because first I have to breast feed her, then I have to wait to bottle feed her because she's just full enough not to have to eat right away, and she doesn't like lukewarm formula, which is what she's stuck with if we're out.
Why can't it just be easy?

I've also been feeling a disconnect. Feeling extremely bored. Feeling like I need to get away from the baby. I just want to escape!
Maybe I just need a break. Need to go somewhere, bring my pump and just be escaped for a little while.
But, I know that can't happen right now. We have too much going on, getting ready to move from our cramped apartment to a new house.

I wish I didn't feel this down, it makes it really hard to find the strength to put forth the effort.

Well, today was no 7 ounce day, but we got up before the crack of dawn, and she always seems to take more formula the earlier we get up. I'm okay with it. Email Dr. Jack Newman today. He suggested using an SNS to supplement, but it's such a serious pain in the butt, and the tape tears me up. I can't get her to latch with the tube in her mouth without the tape, and I can't stick the tube in her mouth after she latches, because she just lets go. Then we're both frustrated and that doesn't do anyone any good. We're doing well with how we're doing it, I guess I thought Dr. Newman might have some new advice for me. *Sigh.*
The videos on his website made me cry. Mostly because I have a "nibbler" and not a "really good drinker," even though Lola has a great latch. It's not her fault, it's mine.
I hope, some day, the ache in my heart goes away.

Happy about poop...

Lola just had a BIG poop, bigger than normal, it looked more like breast milk poop than formula poop! Yeah! (Yes, I analyze every poopy diaper for content.)
As a mom with IGT, this is simply amazing! I am dumbstruck at how well everything is going. I never thought I'd be this close to having an all-breastfed baby. Sure, I may never make up that last 7-10 ounces, but we are doing so well! So much better than I've ever done before.
I am so proud of myself. I am proud of my baby. We are doing this together.
Having such great support around me really helps, too. Thank YOU!

Best day ever.

7 oz. of formula today. Can I do a little celebratory dance?

Great things.

I have to say, things are going pretty well. She is more satisfied after nursing. She makes it through the night on breast milk only, even takes only one breast at a time, and I feel slightly engorged by the time she gets to the next breast! She nurses every 4 hours at night. That's amazing! She wakes up in the morning, happy and ready to start the day, not crying and needing a bottle immediately. And this girl is NOT one to NOT speak up when she has a problem with something.
I have to say, I'm feeling rather pleased. Even if this is as good as it gets, I'm happy with it.

End of the day.

It's bedtime, and Lola has only taken 8 oz. of formula today. 3 less than usual. She's had a good number of pees, and a poop. Yay! Let's see if this trend continues.

Better news!

Lola went just over 16 hours without a bottle. She may have gone longer if I didn't have to stop our nursing session to deal with her potty-training big sister's poop-in-pants fiasco. *sigh*

That's the longest she's ever gone without a bottle since she'd been hospitalized. Yay!

Good news.

It's been 14 hours since Lola's had a bottle. That's the longest she's gone, EVER, and when I offered her one, she refused it. AND I just changed her diaper for the second time today, and it was actually wet.
Something good must be happening, because that's not how it usually goes. Usually, if she just nurses for a long period of time, her diapers are barely wet, if they are wet at all.
And she went 5 hours last night before nursing again, and my breasts were actually full. Night time seems to be the only time I can nurse on one side, only, but she's satisfied.
We'll see how the rest of the day goes.