Re-purposed.

For my birthday last year, I bought this stunning necklace from mother/artist/doula, Juliea at http://www.crowninglotus.typepad.com/. (She also makes all kinds of neat stuff for pregnant or nursing moms, including AMAZING and ADDICTIVE lactation cookies.)

As soon as I went into labor, I put it on.

And that's pretty much the last time I've gotten to wear it.
It's just too much to juggle an SNS and have the strands get tangled in the beads of a necklace.
I've been using the SNS without the (awful, hard to adjust) neck strap for... pretty much always. At home, it isn't a problem, because I usually nurse in bed. But when I'm out in public and sitting up to nurse, it can be a challenge.
I'd been toying with the idea of making a nursing necklace/SNS holder for a few weeks, but never have the time or money to get the supplies I would need. And then last night, it came to me:

I simply removed the pendant, and put it away with the other jewelry that's waiting for my baby to get a little bigger (and less grabby.) I took a small key ring, and a large key ring off of my set of keys, and voilà!
A pretty AND functional SNS holder, exactly the right length! Perfect!

Ain't it perdy? I can't wait to try it out in public!

Oh-MEGA!

So, I'd been trying to add more healthy fats to my diet, but I kept forgetting to take them. Then on Sunday, we went shopping and I bought an Omega 3-6-9 supplement. It contains 800mg Fish Oil (mackerel, anchovy, sardine), 800 mg Flaxseed Oil, and 400 mg of an Essential Oil Blend of Evening Primrose Oil, Black Current Oil, and Borage Oil.
WELL, for the last two days, Lola has only taken 10 ounces of formula. 10 ounces! I haven't seen her take that little since the very end of April when she was only 12 lbs! Whoop, whoop!


In other news, I just ordered some Moringa oleifera, which is a super food and a galactogogue. We shall see if we can get that number below 10.

But, if we can't, I can live with it.

Domestic Enemies of the Low Supply Mom

I'm still waiting to hear from Kate and Lydia about posting this on their blog, RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND, so I'm going to go ahead and post it here. Enjoy.

When I first "got knocked up" at the ripe ol' age of 19, my first thought was "OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!" and my second thought was "Sweet! I'm finally gonna get BOOBS!" But the boobie fairy never arrived. Sure, my ass and thighs got bigger (much, much bigger), but, unfortunately, those don't contain mammary glands. It took me 3 babies to get an "official" diagnosis (though I suspected with baby number 2, and was in denial about it with baby number 3) of IGT, and it took me saying, "I think I have Insufficient Glandular Tissue," to which the IBCLC replied, "Oh, I think you may be right." Which brings us to our first domestic enemy:

1. Ignorant doctors/lactation specialists:  I understand IGT is relatively rare (3-5% is the percentage we hear A LOT, but there are indications that the number is higher and growing), but you're if you're on OB, Pediatrician, and certainly if you're a lactation consultant, you should have at least HEARD of it, you work with moms and babies! 

 Or, at least, acknowledge that I'm not an idiot when I've read pretty much every thing there is to read about IGT, instead of saying, "That's not a real thing." Or, "That doesn't really happen."

I know that most supply problems can be fixed with little tweaks (still, hard work!), and that, in normal circumstances, breastfeeding is a "supply and demand" system. For some reason, this isn't true for IGT moms. We can demand all we want, and still not have a full milk supply. Why? I have no idea. If I think about it too long, my head will explode.  Which is why...

2. Comments from Other (Well-meaning) Moms can really irk me. It doesn't bother me that they are trying to help, I'm just tired of hearing the same thing. "There's this herb that boosts supply. I think it's called frenugook." Yeah, it's "fenugreek," and if you could smell though your computer screen, you'd know I already smell like a Waffle House uniform; maple syrup, sweat and desperation. 
I guess I am still hoping there's a magic pill that can cure my milk supply issues once and for all, and that I just haven't found it yet. But I swear to Bob (my husband), if I hear, "Drink more water! Pump after feedings! Throw the bottles away and just nurse, nurse, nurse," one more time, I will lose. My. Schmidt. 

Actually too MUCH water can further lower supply. And if I didn't supplement, my baby would literally wither away and DIE of STARVATION. Which I would really like to avoid, KTHANX.

3. Hostile Militant Breastfeeding Purists* (Commonly known as "Boob Nazis")  who equate formula to rat poison, think anything but EBF (exclusively breastfeeding) equals failure, and tell moms they shouldn't even have children if they can't fully  breastfeed. Say WHUCK? You're not helping promote breastfeeding, your alienating the women who need help. Anyway, there is SOOO much more to mothering than milk. 
*These are not the same as lactivists who encourage, educate and support breastfeeding mothers of all kinds.

4. Comments from family, friends, strangers. "Why aren't you breastfeeding?" "Why are you bottlefeeding?" "Why even bother, if you can't make enough milk?" Why don't you STFU and MYOB? (I realize these questions apply just as well to all moms out there, but to someone who is struggling to maintain a meager milk supply, or was unable to continue breastfeeding, these comments sound like accusations.) 

5. Guilt/Shame. I used to feel so much shame to be seen bottlefeeding in public, or buying formula that I would make my husband go buy formula without me, avoid going out if I knew my baby would need to eat, or I'd hand the bottle and baby to my husband to feed her and I'd walk away. Because no one is going to ask HIM why he's not breastfeeding.

6.  The Cycle. Do you have any idea how time consuming to nurse a newborn,  top off with a bottle of formula, pump for 15 minutes and then wash the equipment? You have, literally, 2.5 minutes before you have to start the cycle all over again. Just enough time to pee and choke down your oatmeal and all those...

7. Pills. Fenugreek, blessed thistle, marshmallow root, goat's rue, red clover, shatavari, fennel, spirulina, barley, alfalfa, and those are just SOME of the herbs! There's also Reglan (available in the US but is risky for depression-prone moms) and Domperidone (which you either have to pay 1.6 billion dollars for at a compounding pharmacy, or you have to order it from New Zealand and risk Customs confiscating your package.)  Seriously, I have an entire cabinet devoted to my lactogenic supplements. You think formula feeding is expensive? HA!

8.  Feeding devices. There are pros and cons with all. 

Some babies easily switch between breast and bottle with no problem at all. My second baby was one of them. But some babies develop nipple confusion or prefer the faster flow of bottles and start to refuse the breast all together.

Cup feeding eliminates the risk of nipple confusion, but it can be messy. Frankly, I only tried this once. It wasn't for us.

Using an At-breast Supplementer, such as the Medela SNS or Lact-aid can be extremely gratifying, but hard to master. Imagine trying to tape a piece of wet spaghetti to just the right spot on your areola with a wiggly, screaming baby on your lap. Honestly, if my newest baby didn't flat out refuse to use any bottles at all, I probably would have thrown my SNS into the man-made pond behind my house. (Just kidding, that's littering. I would have stomped on it repeatedly, thrown it across the room , boiled it to death and then put it in the recycling.)

9. Modern medicine. Scientists can grow a human ear on the back of a lab rat. They can make even the most tired old man winky stand up and salute. But they can't make my boobs work? C'mon, science! Get with the program!

I could go on, but I might get a little stabby.  It's been said breastfeeding women are more aggressive. If that's true, then low supply moms are TWICE as fierce. What we lack in milk, we make up for in MIGHT!

If you or anyone you know is struggling with low milk supply, whatever the cause, please join our facebook group:  IGT and Low Milk Supply Support Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/316544128361585/)

and check out http://diaryofalactationfailure.blogspot.com/search/label/resources (NSFW, thar's BOOBS in them thar hills.)

How to order an SNS without breaking the bank

First, try your local WIC office, call your La Leche League leader or lactation consultant, or inquire at your local hospital with a labor and delivery unit or NICU, or, if you know you've had supply issues in the past, ask for one before you leave the hospital (if you choose to birth in one.)
If you can't get one for free that way, try this:

Start here. Select "SNS Bottle with Lid," "SNS Valve Cover," "SNS Attachment Ring," and whatever tubing size you desire (here I selected "medium.")
Subtotal: $26.79  (With shipping: $37.79)
You can add another set of tubing (it's always good to have a back up, since the tubes can break).*
Subtotal: $34.99 (With shipping: $46.79)
Even if you add a THIRD set of tubing (which is what the standard SNS kit comes with), your subtotal still only comes to $42.79.  (With shipping: $54.79)

Compare to the complete SNS kit which comes to $58.99 (With shipping: $73.99)

The complete SNS kit comes sterilized, with a lanyard (that SUCKS! You can make a better one yourself with a piece of string), and with an instruction booklet. But you can sterilize it yourself, and find instructions on how to use an SNS online. I like these instructions.

Cheapest price on SNS I've found:
http://www.mybreastpump.com/medelasnsproducts.html $49.95 (plus shipping)

Feeling better.

Baby girl is on the mend. She still has a residual cough and sniffles, but the worst is over. She got her appetite back a few days ago, and she brought my supply back to where it was by nursing alone. (I think I pumped all of twice.)
I submitted a post, yesterday, to RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND for their Domestic Enemies section on the "domestic enemies of the low supply mom." I haven't heard back yet, but if they choose not to post it, I'll post it here.

I need to keep this, for when I'm feeling down.

Someone posted in a breastfeeding group that they had overcome their struggles with low supply, and instead of feeling happy for her, I felt sad for me. I posted about it in our IGT and Low Milk Supply Support Group and this was one of the replies:




"Nyssa, you have done so much more than make milk for your babies, you have helped so many other moms keep making milk for theirs and helped heal so many hearts. I know several of us have been inspired by your dedication and using the sns and without the support would have quit long ago. So however much it sucks that you cant exclusivly nourish your baby on your milk, maybe your plan is to help other moms redefine what ebfing and success is."


See why I love our group? <3 I don't know what I would do without these women in my life.

When the going gets tough...

It's been a rough couple of days. My supply has definitely taken a hit. Besides the random PMS-like symptoms I keep getting, I've been running on little sleep, caring for two sick little girls, and not nursing as often as I'd like. Lola's been having a hard time nursing. Even with saline and suction, she's been so stuffed up, she can't breathe and nurse, and has to take frequent breaks. Other times, she winds up with coughing fits while trying to nurse. It's heart-wrenching.
I had a few desperate moments when I worried that this was going to spell the end of our nursing relationship. But, then I realized, we have the SNS! It isn't like before. I don't have to worry about bottles winning, because we don't use any! We're going to be okay.
Both Lulu and Lola are starting to feel better, but it's going to be an uphill battle to get my supply back up. Until today, I hadn't been able to pump to help make up the difference. So, now that the girls are feeling better and I have a little more time to myself, I'll be working on building my supply back up, with pumping and consulting my Mother Food book. 

Mewkiss.

Times like this, it really hurts to have low milk supply.
My kids are s i c k. My baby can't breathe out of her nose. My girls seem to be really sensitive to dairy when they are sick (in a mucus-producing way. My almost 3 year old will cough until she vomits if she has the teeniest amount of dairy while she has a cold.) I wonder if the milk in our formula is causing my baby to over-produce mucus, too.
I have some "old" frozen milk I've kept buried in the freezer, and I've been using that, but it's almost gone. Normally, Lola won't take donor milk if there's the slightest hint of lipase, but she's so stuffed up, she can't taste it. Poor baby. I wish I could just take it away.

Slime Flu Season

My little girls have colds. Last night was a blur of dozing off, only to be woken up by either Lulu or Lola... or both. Lola couldn't nurse because he nose was so stuffed up. So, I'd spray some saline up her nose, and wait for it to drain. Fun fun.
I believe in the magical healing powers of homemade chicken soup, so first thing this morning, I threw some chicken thighs and some left-over chicken bones in a pot with water, garlic and ginger.
Lola hasn't had much of an appetite, so I've offered to nurse every 2 hours, but I wanted to get a little broth into her. I tried spoon-feeding and cup-feeding, but more wound up on her shirt than in her belly, so I decided to try the bottle that came with my new pump (Just a little single, manual pump I got on sale at Target.). I haven't had a bottle in the house in months.
Well, Lola thought it was very interesting, and enjoyed playing with it, and biting it, but she had no idea how to latch! I was so proud, ha ha! My baby doesn't know how to take a bottle!
I also tried it in her sippy cup, but she hasn't had much practice with that either, maybe a few sips of water here and there for practice.
In the end, I got a tablespoon or two of that magical elixir into her. I'm happy with that.

8 months!

We've made it 8 months, and we're going strong. It's amazing. I'm finally going to make it to a year (at LEAST!)
At 8 months, Rio hadn't been breastfed for 6 months.
At 8 months, Lulu was still nursing, but I was fighting a losing battle with my milk supply due to hormones.  I was so stressed out about my waning milk supply that I was just a few weeks away from weaning her. I was spending so much money on herbs and formula... Ugh.
What a difference! The SNS has really saved our nursing relationship. I am much more relaxed. I'm not competing with bottles. I don't have to worry that every nursing session may be our last, because Lola prefers a faster flow. I'm not downing herbs every couple of hours, and smelling like I live in an IHOP. I'm not ashamed to feed my baby in public (as I was when I had to top off with a bottle.) I have accepted my lot, and I've really come to terms with my IGT (aside from an occasional moment of anger or anguish.)
I am happy. My daughter is happy and healthy.
We're making it work!

Recommended Reading

Mother Food

The Breastfeeding Mother's Guide to Making More Milk

Defining Your Own Success

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

The Nursing Mother's Herbal

Lactogenic Diet

Wow, I learned SO much from Mother Food by Hilary Jacobson! I highly recommend the book for every nursing mom, expecting mother, or anyone who helps care for women and babies.
I've been applying some of what I've learned wherever I could for the last week, soaking my oatmeal or quinoa overnight for breakfast the next morning, eating curried chickpeas (yummy AND lactogenic!), taking my spirulina before meals, taking my calcium supplements before bed.
Yesterday, we went grocery shopping and I stocked up on lactogenic foods, drinks, and spices.

Not to be pessimistic about it (because I'm not), but I've given up the search for the magic bullet that will "cure" my low milk supply.* I am very happy and comfortable with the amount of milk I am making. My baby is thriving, she is happy, she is healthy. I am happy with the way our nursing relationship is going. I am not expecting a miracle here, but I needed to overhaul my diet anyway, so I might as well focus healthy foods that support lactation! And when I wean from the SNS, eventually (sometime after a year, when she's eating enough solid foods to replace what used to be formula), I hope that following a lactogenic diet will help keep our nursing relationship strong by keeping me, well, lactating.
And if the lactogenic diet IS the magic bullet and cures my low milk supply... I'm very okay with that, too.

I also started taking Metformin again, a few days ago. With my new-found knowledge of how to stabilize my milk supply should my period return, I have confidence that I didn't have before.

*Mrs. Jacobson herself has overcome low milk supply with IGT by following a lactogenic diet, as have other mothers, so it IS possible. 

Guest Post: Stars Doing Something (link)

"My baby is four and a half months old. Today she has learned to blow raspberries and spent her entire day practicing this new skill – in her carseat on the way to the grocery, cuddled against my chest in her Babyhawk carrier in the Asian market, drifting off to sleep. She is seconds away from rolling over for the first time. She is always ready to smile and laugh. Today she made a dozen new friends in the quilting store. She is thriving even though my breasts are not structurally capable of producing the milk she needs to grow. She drinks 100% breastmilk, though most of it does not come from me.

Picasso’s birth was the most joyous, empowering experience of my entire life. I labored blissfully at home and had a natural hospital birth. We got off to a great start with breastfeeding but she lost 10% of her body weight and then continued to plummet. Signs indicated dehydration. My milk had ‘come in,’ but there was only about an ounce of it a day. Total."

Please visit Dreaming Monet's blog to read the rest of this beautifully written story.

 If you have IGT, also known as hypoplastic breasts, and you'd like to share your story, please e-mail me at nyssaretter@gmail.com with the subject line "IGT moms."

Plug.

Find me on facebook for even more updates on my nursing journey!
http://www.facebook.com/Lactation.Failure

Feeling the love!

I have felt such an out-pouring of love lately! Today took the cake, though. I saw one of our local LLL leaders at a Fall Festival and she told me how proud our community is of me for not giving up. I didn't know whether to melt or burst! So encouraging! <3

And a woman I'd never met today saw me sitting on a hay bale, nursing Lola and said, "I applaud you for nursing in public!" And we went on to have a 5 minute conversation about the importance of normalizing nursing in public.  

Here's to you, ladies.

I am so blessed. While I may not always appreciate it or understand it, I have gone through these trials and tribulations for a purpose.
Having IGT has allowed me to "meet" (online, anyway) such a wonderful, supportive sisterhood of women. Women who have walked in my shoes (pumped in my flanges?), felt the same frustration, cried the same tears, and every single one of them has done the absolute best that that they could with what they had.
 I am so happy we have a place to discuss openly the ups and downs of living with IGT, free of judgement/shame/awkwardness.
And I am so glad we've found each other.



Dedicated to the Women with IGT facebook group members.

(Want to join the group? http://www.facebook.com/groups/316544128361585/)

More teeth, and other new developments

Lola's cut her third tooth (with her fourth not far behind), and I am THRILLED to report that she hasn't been biting this time around. What a relief!

Lola's also been taking less supplement lately. I still offer the same amount every time, and some days she takes more than on other days, but, she's been taking about an ounce of formula per feeding most days, compared to 3 ounces per feeding a month ago. The change in my diet seems to be doing good things for my milk supply, and my energy levels are the highest they have ever been while breastfeeding!

As soon as I have a little extra money, I want to buy the book "Mother Food." You can read the author's blog on lactogenic diet here.   She, too, is an IGT mom.

I am so in love with breastfeeding. Seriously, if I could take a picture every single time we nursed, I would. I love the way her little body fits so perfectly next to mine in our favorite nursing position (side-lying.) I love the way she touches my face and looks up at me with her big brown eyes when we nurse in the cradle hold. I love nursing her in our wrap as we walk around.  I can't wait until she becomes completely mobile, and comes to me and nurses. And I love that I am finally going to nurse for at least a year (hopefully much longer), I have NO doubt about it!

Oh! And I've been signing with her for just over a week, and a few days, she signed "milk!" to me! It was awesome. I did a little baby sign language with her big brother, but skipped it with her big sister for some reason.

Well, that's all for now...

I just doctored this in paint. Not bad for a 5 minute job, eh?

7 months!

Another month of nursing!
I am so happy to still be nursing. I love it. I love looking down at her little face, snapping pictures with my brain and wishing she would always be my little nursling.
I was having a rough afternoon today and feeling extremely up-tight... and then, it was time to nurse, and as she latched on, all my stress melted away. Better than valium! :)


In other news, I'm no longer gluten-free, but I am focusing on whole foods, lots of raw fruits and veggies, good protein, and limiting sugars and bread. Even whole grain bread leaves me feeling sluggish and down, I've found.

Going gluten-free.

Something had to be done. I was feeling like a giant sea slug, and the scale showed I weighed a pound MORE than I weighed at 41+ weeks pregnant.
At first, my plan was to do a yeast elimination diet, but that was a pretty extreme jump, and I'd probably have given up.
So, I'm going gluten-free.
It really hasn't been that bad, considering how much I love all things bread. The second day gluten-free, I was SO hungry. I ate at least once an hour. But I ate raw fruits and vegetables, and homemade chicken soup. The third day, I wasn't so ravenous. Today's day 4. I'm already down 5 pounds! I'm ecstatic! Even if I can't lose ALL the weight, I'll feel much better having lost SOME of it.
If I'm able to lose a significant amount of weight, I won't feel so strongly the need to wean after a year. With my other children, I couldn't lose any weight until I weaned, and then it just fell off. Well, I probably couldn't lose any weight because I ate mostly BREAD! It probably sounds terribly selfish to want to wean just to lose weight, but my self esteem has been exceptionally low, and I don't think I could take another year and a half of that.
Now, I believe I'll be able to wean when Lola's ready, and not when Mommy can't take another second of being fat!