Here I am, age 4 or 5, nursing a toy skunk. I wasn't big on baby dolls.
I take lots of nursing pictures. Just about every day, in fact. Why? I want to cherish every moment of this nursing relationship, because I know how suddenly it could end if she ever decided she'd rather get her meals from a bottle.
For now, she loves nursing. Even prefers it. And I'm so glad she does. When she's tired, or bored, or overstimulated, a quick comfort nurse calms her right down.
In the middle of the night, all she needs to do is stir a little, and then we both drift back to dreamland while she nurses away.
I love nursing. Even though I have to supplement. Even though it's been more difficult that it needs to be. Even though I'll never have that "exclusive breastfeeder" badge to wear.
It's okay. Maybe I'll be stronger for it, and I know she'll be stronger for whatever amount of breast milk she's getting.
I'm going to stop stressing the amount I'm making, and just live with it. I'll still take the herbs, I'll still take the medication, but I'm just going to let go and live, and enjoy my baby and my family. Because a happy, relaxed mommy is better than a stressed-out, high-strung mommy.
This is not giving up.