"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." -Winston Churchill

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Today, I want to give up.

As someone who has battled postpartum depression before, I fear that I can feel it creeping in again.
I don't know if I'm just tired, or what, but today, I feel like giving up the fight. What's the point? It's twice as hard as just bottle-feeding, it takes even longer to get out of the house because first I have to breast feed her, then I have to wait to bottle feed her because she's just full enough not to have to eat right away, and she doesn't like lukewarm formula, which is what she's stuck with if we're out.
Why can't it just be easy?

I've also been feeling a disconnect. Feeling extremely bored. Feeling like I need to get away from the baby. I just want to escape!
Maybe I just need a break. Need to go somewhere, bring my pump and just be escaped for a little while.
But, I know that can't happen right now. We have too much going on, getting ready to move from our cramped apartment to a new house.

I wish I didn't feel this down, it makes it really hard to find the strength to put forth the effort.


  1. Oh I hear you!! Some days are hard especially if you feel depressed. It helps sometimes if I remind myself that today is hard,but tomorrow will hopefully be better. And usually God is gracious and will allow me to have just enough good days to keep me going. But I know exactly how you are feeling. I feel like I haven't really been able to leave the house in 5 months. It is kinda depressing sometimes. But hang in there, you are doing so great! It might help to go back and read the posts you made about your good days!!

  2. I felt horrible sometimes, too, Nyssa and I didn't have to go through anything like you! So, it will pass- but just don't give up! YOU ARE AMAZING even when you feel like this!

    And getting away for a bit is okay! It is good for you to get out without kids. XOXOXOXO

  3. I understand! I have so many days like this. I had to go back to work today and pumped 5 times at work to barely get 7 ounces all day while my baby is at home with her father getting formula. I have IGT too though, I so I felt pretty good about the 7 ounces. I hate this battle, but we have to take our victories where we can and cut ourselves some slack so that we DON"T give up. It's worth it, but you have to indulge yourself too. You deserve it!!!